I used to pride myself on being super structured.
Especially on Saturdays.
While the rest of the world was taking it easy and enjoying life, I kept the same training, eating, and sleeping patterns as I did all week long.
I saw keeping my structured, daily disciplines on Saturdays as a sign of power.
I would even go so far to say that I even saw other people’s lack of structure on Saturdays as weakness.
I don’t think that way anymore.
I’m thankful for what my super structure did for me.
It helped make me who I am today. It will be with me until I die and help me every day until then.
I am forever grateful.
I’ve also realized that I must build upon that structure.
It’s time to let go of some of it and give to those who need it more than I do.
I now realize that my need for super structure started as a very young child. I didn’t have enough of it growing up.
My world wasn’t predicable enough for my little soul. There were just too many variables going on for me to handle. I had no clue of how all this life stuff was supposed to work.
That’s just too tough for any child to understand.
It started a constant stream of “chatter” in my head that lasted longer than I realized.
If fact, I didn’t realize that there was any other way to think until the chatter was finally gone.
My world needed super structure just to stop the chatter in my head.
Even if that structure wasn’t the best decision in the long run.
I needed that fix. I needed that relief.
I don’t anymore.
Not all of it.
There are people who need it more than I do.
This is my story.
This is my structured and not-so-structured journey.
This is my MANformation.